Rexanne's Web Review - Issue #33

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Life is good! Halloween was a blast, my kids are somehow surviving the sugar insanity bestowed upon them by really terrific, Halloween-inspired neighbors and we're now looking forward to a big Thanksgiving feast. I am NOT cooking! Whooo Hooo! I have enough to do. I am gladly passing the turkey trimming on to my mother this year. Of course, I will help and most likely bake pies and do the yams. Especially the yams ... some people "forget" to top them with an abundance of marshmallows. What kind of traditional oversight is that? Not in this house. Marshmallows are a divine experience around here.

This is a big, very interesting issue, readers. Guest writer Pam Coronado has contributed her knowledge and expertise on child predators for the parenting topic of the week. Lots of reader's comments about spanking and some super tips and tricks for the holidays. A few more head lice tips came in but we'll have to wait for the next issue. This one's a lil' crowded. ;-)

"I am seeking women who've experienced postpartum depression to participate in a book to help mothers recover. This book is not from medical professionals, but from 'everyday mothers' who've been there. Details are at A New Day Sincerely, Sandy Poulin."

And one more time before the big event: Rexanne's Thanksgiving - Everything for a fabulous turkey day, on or off line. Enjoy!

"If you ask abusive husbands why they hit their wives, they'll usually say they are teaching them a lesson. Why is it wrong to hit your wife but when it comes to children it is OK to use abuse to discipline? I just don't get it. Both seem very wrong to me."

"My husband and I are not big on spanking our three boys, except on an extreme occasion, and its usually the 5-year-old. But even he probably couldn't tell you the last time. Taking away privileges works wonders with the 14 and 12-year-old. The 5-year-old, however, is a little tougher and the privilege thing doesn't mean a whole lot yet. He rarely gets a spanking and only after the warnings and time outs do not redirect his negative behavior."

"I have two daughters that were brought up using spanking ... NOT BEATING. I don't think there could be any two better girls around. I do believe if you were to ask them, they have NO hard feelings about how they were brought up."

"My kids are all grown, but I never believed in spanking ... can't remember ever spanking my kids. Guess they didn't need it. :-) Or else I was an old 'softie' mom.

"Our daughter is 14 and has never been spanked, although sometimes I've sure wanted to swat her!

Upon her birth, my husband and I made a promise that no matter what, we would not hit our child. Spanking is hitting, which is violent and humiliating and a poor choice of power play and communication. All it teaches is that hitting is OK 'sometimes' and that parents are hypocritical when they do hit. It is shaming, fear-invoking and most certainly not an act of love in any way. There are so many other ways to be believable to a child, by communicating and following through with consequences."

"I do spank my 6-year-old daughter on occasion. I don't rely on this form of discipline because it doesn't have a positive effect on her. She just acts worse. I handle situations with words. I understand your views completely. This is a tough topic. I will continue to use all the self restraint I have when my 6 year old waives her hand in my face and says: Whatever!"

"My parents spanked me ... not a terrific amount but it got the message across. I spanked even less with my two children. Now my two daughters do NOT spank or yell at their children and they are doing something right because it is working. Their method of timeouts and loss of privileges is a much better approach. Did I think so when my oldest grandson was two? No, I thought her no spanking rule was all wrong but I kept my mouth shut. Now, I am glad I did. Her method worked beautifully and I only wish I could turn back the clock and take back the swats I gave. I'm proud to say my three grandsons are a pleasure."

"I often think that if anyone other then the parents were hitting the children that person would be charged with a crime. Children are a precious gift for us to care for. As parents we've been entrusted to take care of them, but they are not simply objects that our actions have no impact on. I sometimes get the urge to smack a parent when I see them treat their children this way.

I wonder how they would like it or if they remember how they did like it when they were children. I wonder why it is all right to treat our own children with less respect and kindness then we do strangers. Yes, I am a mother and I have never hit my children. I just can't imagine wanting to cause them pain and believe me, they are definitely no worse behaved then their friends who do get spanked. I also work with abused mothers and their children. The effects of violence last long beyond the bruises and red marks and that does apply to all kinds of violence. Please parents, consider what you are really doing to your children."

"You mentioned that if you were to spank your daughter, she would laugh at you or hit you back ... doesn't sound like there is much respect from your daughter there, sorry.

I do not condone putting a child over your knee, beating kids, or spanking for things like spilling milk or teasing the dog. Spanking, if used, should be used for severe situations. A swat on a toddlers butt has little harm, IMHO. I think too many kids have lost respect for their parents and adults in general. While I don't think we need to 'put the fear of God' in kids, a good balance between reasoning and punishment is appropriate."

"BTW, you will be sorry later in life if you don't spank your children. I am an 'older' person and I have seen the results far too often when parents 'spare the rod.' Save this and look back on my advice in say about 40 years."

Great input, readers! Thank you all for being an integral part of this newsletter and for sharing your opinions and ideas. Please, continue sending in your comments and stories!

Quote of the Week: All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. - Edmund Burke

This Week's Web Review is Sponsored By: Spriggles Motivational Books for Children

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I highly recommend Spriggles! Your children and grandchildren will love it. "Inspiration" is the perfect holiday present for any child to age 7. A wonderful gesture would be to donate this book to your child's school or classroom in the spirit of the holidays. You will be forever remembered kindly and be doing countless children today and in the future a big favor! Take advantage of the generous offer for a twenty percent discount and free shipping just for mentioning Rexanne's Web Review and make Inspiration, by Spriggles, part of your holiday gift giving today!

Spriggles apologizes to those who tried to order the book from the last newsletter. Seems there was a glitch in the shopping cart. All systems are GO at the Spriggles site so go buy, butterfly! ;-)

I am very grateful to Pam Coronado for allowing me to feature her article on child predators in today's newsletter. There is a link to the referenced "Smart Hearts for Kids" at the end of this article. Pam has excellent and invaluable information to teach parents about keeping their precious children safe.

As a private investigator who specializes in child abductions, I know intimately how child predators operate. In having to engage and study pedophiles I have learned much about them. I want to pass on the bare truth to parents about the dangers their children really face in today's world and shed light on many common misconceptions about child safety.

Myth 1: Teaching my children not to talk to strangers will keep them safe. Truth: Many of the children kidnapped from their "safe" neighborhoods did not interact with a stranger at all but were grabbed by someone who jumped out of a car. Predators troll neighborhoods in search of easy targets, I know this for a fact. Kids need to be taught to always stay with their friends when playing in the front yard, preferably under the supervision of an adult, otherwise they should play in the back yard where it is safer. Children also need to be taught to scream, yell, kick and fight even if the abductor threatens to hurt them if they are not quiet. If the abductor covers their mouth with one hand, the child needs to bite them as hard as possible and then continue screaming FIRE, FIRE. This is extremely important. See my article Smart Hearts for Kids for more self-defense details and how to stop from being taken away in a car.

Myth 2: I should teach my children to fear all strangers. Truth: Though this has been the common approach to the problem over the years, I know it doesn't work for many reasons. Children who have been taught this are too afraid to ask anyone for help if they become lost or find themselves being followed. This leaves them vulnerable to real danger. Teaching children to mistrust all strangers also gives them a very negative impression of humanity and makes them feel powerless. Children need to learn the difference between predators and plain old strangers. A stranger could just save your child's life one day. Teaching children how to effectively deal with all strangers, good and dangerous, will empower them. Again see my Smart Hearts for Kids on these principles.

Myth 3: I should teach my child to find the nearest police officer or security guard if they become lost. Truth: Ted Bundy was a security guard. My next door neighbor who stabbed his girlfriend to death was a security guard. Security guards do not get background checks before being hired. Enough said. As for finding a police officer, this is also a bad idea. You don't want to encourage the child to wander far off from the place you last saw them so finding a police officer could be quite impractical in some situations. I encourage children to find a person they feel comfortable with, possibly another mother, and ask for help.

Myth 4: Children are usually taken from stores, fairs or other crowded public places. Truth: Approximately 85% of child abductions occur within 1/4 mile of the home or school. The most common kidnapping scenario happens right in front of the home or very near the home in the evening hours between 4:00 p.m. and 6:00 p.m. when the children are playing outside. Children riding bikes and roller blades are often the targets. Children walking to and from school alone are the second favorite victim group, as with a child waiting alone at a bus stop. The riskiest situation is a child leaving a friend's house unescorted late at night.

Myth 5: Young children are too weak and small to fight off an adult. Truth: Given the proper tools any child can escape the grip of an adult. See Smart Hearts for Kids for details. This knowledge will empower your child.

Myth 6: Strangers present the greatest threat to kids. Truth: While stranger abduction is very real with often tragic consequences, stranger abductions make up a small percentage of all missing kids in this country. Relatives, non-custodial parents, grandparents and family friends are the most likely to actually kidnap a child. Molestation is even more rampant with relatives, neighbors, friend's father's, coaches, clergy, school employees, and even bus drivers being the common perpetrators. Any time a child tells you they are uncomfortable with a person LISTEN. Denial serves only one purpose ... to keep your child in danger. I have little patience with parents who refuse to listen to their children or acknowledge their discomfort. Not only do you have to listen to your child and protect your child the way nature intended for you to, you must heed your own gut feelings about the people who interact with your child. As a parent, this is your responsibility.

Myth 7: Coaches, clergy, camp counselors, bus drivers and clowns are harmless. Truth: Coaches, clergy, camp counselors, bus drivers and clowns DO NOT require background checks before they can interact with your child. While you may find it personally difficult to mistrust these people it's important to know that these are favored positions for pedophiles. Pedophiles have a compulsion and obsession about children and will do whatever they can to be near them, waiting for an opportunity to get them alone. If you have ANY doubts about a person who interacts with your child listen to your gut instincts. Nothing is a stronger indicator of problems than your own instincts. If any inkling of doubt arises follow through and check the person out. Visit this link for more information: Klaaskids.org

Please read and let your children read Pam's fantastic article, Smart Hearts for Kids: Smart Hearts

Another must-read article from Pam about how we can make a difference in keeping our children safe: How to Make A Difference

Pam Coronado is the mother of three school-aged children and a licensed private detective specializing in cases of missing and abducted children. Visit Pam's web site to learn more about her amazing experiences in intuitive investigation and child safety specialization: Pam Coronado

Have an opinion about this topic or a story to share? Please send it: My Opinion

There are so many Thanksgiving recipe sites to choose from online! Good Housekeeping online magazine offers a super, easy-to-understand variety of the most basic turkey and trimmings recipes. From the bird to the pies, you'll find almost everything you need to prepare a feast worthy of your terrific family.

Black Dog's Thanksgiving is, according to my younger daughter, the best Thanksgiving kid's site on the Web. I always listen to her advice on the kid's pages. ;-)

Whether you're a kid or an adult, you'll have a blast here. Great online Thanksgiving games, word puzzles, email cards, crafts, Thanksgiving coloring pages children can color online and then print and even some super recipes to entice the littlest or largest taste buds. Take it from the heart of a six-year-old ... this site rocks!

Surviving the feast ... lots of great online tip pages for making your Thanksgiving celebration a smooth one.

1) Do not overcook that bird! Dry turkey is a drag. I always buy the turkeys with the pop up thingie. Works like a charm. Let them figure out the timing ... I'm way too preoccupied. Or use a meat thermometer. It'll tell you when.

2) Turkey Doneness Test: A turkey is done when the meat thermometer reaches 180 degrees F deep in the thigh. Also, juices should be clear, not pink when the thigh muscle is pierced deeply. A stuffed, 20 pound turkey takes about five hours to cook in a 325 degree oven.

3) Use a disposable roasting pan. For a few bucks, why torture yourself with cleaning that bad boy after the last guest has left? For larger birds, use two pans together to avoid the sag in the middle and a horrendous kitchen catastrophe.

4) The very best pumpkin pie is, in my experience, the recipe on the canned Libby's pumpkin. It's easy, safe and always gets raves. I've had some pretty awful pumpkin pie in my time. Don't understand, it's so simple.

Got a tip or trick your fellow readers would enjoy or could use? Please send it here for possible publication in one of the next issues: Tips

Gee, this is almost too good to be true ... free dolls, Barbie post cards and a free wooden ducky. You could do some holiday shopping on this page and who's gonna know you didn't pay one cent for these presents? I won't tell!

As freebies go, I doubt these are going to be heirloom quality, but hey, they're completely free! All you have to do is fill out your mailing and email address and they'll send them without shipping charges, too. Cool!

Marbles is a highly addictive game of match 'em up, wipe 'em out. Match up the marbles by color and remove them, dropping other colored marbles in their places. The secret is to remove as many marbles of like color together as you can. Also, if you manage to leave less than 5 marbles on the board, you'll get bonus points.

I found this game in the Sonshine Newsletter. Thanks, Deneen! Subscribe to Sonshine News here: Subscribe to Sonshine News

I know I'm a little late with this one but considering the election fiasco we've been through in the U.S., it's still quite appropriate! This page isn't about Gore and Bush, although they do get a little spin time toward the end. This is a tribute to all our past presidents, with a little ditty about each one. Very clever and cute.

Go dance with the presidents and give thanks that we still do have a democratic election, even if this last one was a bit unorthodox! ;-)

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The fine print: This newsletter is copyright - 2000 - in its entirety. Please pass it on, but also please leave it intact. :-) You are receiving this email because you sent a specific message asking to be placed on the mailing list for this newsletter. If you wish to be removed from this list, see the unsubscribe notice above. This is NOT SPAM, nor will you ever see a recipe featuring SPAM in this newsletter! ;-)

I have personally checked out the links provided here but they could possibly lead you to any number of bizarre and/or offensive sites. Surf at your own risk. The DIRECT links on this page are all family friendly unless stated otherwise. While this newsletter is family friendly, it is not necessarily intended to be read by children. Parents should always monitor their children while they are on the Internet.