Rexanne's Web Review - Issue #32

Shopping

It's been a rough two weeks but I'm slowly gaining ground. McAfee is now on my rotten list after causing my computer to die from its Quick Clean program three weeks ago and refusing to accept responsibility. A word of warning: This McAfee Quick Clean program is not stable. It has destroyed many computers and data, not just mine. Beware what you download off the Internet. Even a "reputable" company like McAfee will poison your system with bad software. The cost to recover data and fix all the damage to my operating system was very high. Do be careful!

My warmest thanks to all who sent such supportive and encouraging email. Some made me laugh. Many made me cry. You have all become a very big part of my life. Not being able to publish these past few weeks felt like being separated from my family! I did get to spend that *free* time with my own daughters, however, and they were quite grateful! Thus, the twice monthly instead of weekly publishing schedule from now on. They do need my attention, too. :-)

I would also like to thank everyone who sent flower costume ideas for Kimberly's daughter. You're wonderful! Kimberly appreciated every one of them, too. Here's what she wrote:

"Thanks so much to you and the very nice subscribers who tried to help out. I did check all those sites out, but luckily came across one in a little local children's store. My spoiled little princess loves it to pieces and tells everyone that she is going to be a "beautiful flower" for Halloween, which makes all the search worth every annoying minute of it! It warms my heart to have others helping out with such a seemingly trivial request, but such a giant smile for my daughter."

Awwww ... warms my heart to know your daughter got her wish, Kimberly. Thanks for letting us know and sharing her joy!

The results from the spanking poll are listed in the Parenting Topic of the Week section. Should spark plenty of controversy! ;-)

The reader's comments from the last newsletter can be found in the Tips & Tricks section this week. Some good ideas on eliminating and avoiding the horror of head lice! The regular Reader's Comments section will be back in the next issue.

And for a head start on the next holiday, visit my full-service Thanksgiving page: Rexanne's Thanksgiving

Quote of the Week: What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Spriggles combines "spirit" and "giggles" to inspire and educate children ages 2 to 7 toward fuller, healthier, and motivated lifestyles. The imaginative stories in these colorful lift-the-flap picture books allow parents and grandparents the opportunity to impart such positive sentiments to their children as "Aim high, Butterfly," "Never say can't, Ant," "Keep on tryin', Lion," and many more. Makes a wonderful holiday gift! To order, call toll-free (888) 875-5856 (mention Rexanne's newsletter and receive 20% OFF plus FREE SHIPPING) or visit: Spriggles

The authors, Jeff & Martha Gottlieb, graciously sent the first book in the Spriggles series, Inspiration, to my younger daughter. I cannot describe the delighted grin on her face as she turned the pages, enthralled by the characters and motivational messages in this exceptional book.

I highly recommend Spriggles! Your children and grandchildren will love it. "Inspiration" is the perfect holiday present for any child to age 7. A wonderful gesture would be to donate this book to your child's school or classroom in the spirit of the holidays. You will be forever remembered kindly and be doing countless children today and in the future a big favor!

Take advantage of the generous offer for a twenty percent discount and free shipping just for mentioning Rexanne's Web Review and make Inspiration, by Spriggles, part of your holiday gift giving today!

I am completely opposed to spanking. I know that almost twice as many of you spank your children as don't. At the risk of alienating 62 percent of my subscribers, I cannot, in good conscience, keep my opinions to myself. ;-)

The spanking issue was addressed in my second newsletter: Web Review #2 With a subsequent flurry of controversy in the next issue: Web Review #3

I feel we have evolved enough as a society to understand that violence breeds violence. Hitting is physically violent. So is spanking. I do not believe spanking children teaches them to mind their parents or caretakers any better than other forms of constructive discipline. If it is unacceptable to hit an adult, what makes it acceptable to hit a child? Taking into consideration the parent or caretaker is most likely three times the size of the child, doesn't this bring up issues of bullying?

Many of the comments left on the spanking poll mentioned a bible reference, "Spare the rod, spoil the child." When we consider that the bible was written thousands of years ago, we must also take into consideration that we may have advanced to the point where biblical interpretations are probably not to be taken as literally as they once were. I do not believe parents should spank their children into submission, any more than I believe criminals should be stoned to death by the masses, as was the custom so many years ago.

Many parents (myself included) have neglected to replace spanking with another solid form of discipline. Refraining from spanking our kids does not negate disciplining them. We have created a generation of children without boundaries in our zeal to adopt a kinder, gentler parenting style. While I am thoroughly delighted that many parents have decided not to spank their children, I am saddened by the lack of respect for authority in so many children today. Without limits, children are insecure, always testing the boundaries ... begging to be corralled for their own safety. In removing physical punishment, we need to find a healthy replacement.

Another comment mentioned often in the spanking poll had to do with spanking a child "out of love." I think this means the parent is disciplining their child because they love them. Yes, by all means, discipline your child when needed. My only request is that you consider not raising a hand or your voice to them in order to accomplish this. My methods have been to remove a privilege, after a warning. It might not be the best form of imposing limits on children but it works pretty well with my daughters ... most of the time. ;-)

One interesting comment was from a mother who said she only spanked her child when the kid was outright defiant. Well, you know, I wanted to consider that option for about two seconds! When my older daughter is defiant, my immediate instinct is to smack her ... but I don't. She is now an inch taller than I am and almost outweighs me. Not a good time to start swatting her butt. She'd either laugh at me or hit me back. Neither option seems conducive to maintaining authority! As much as that option sounded tempting, it is not the answer. If we are to grow as a people, we need to adopt more humane methods of teaching our children to behave.

The comment that disturbed me most was from parents who said they did not spank their child "right away." The child is told they are going to be spanked while the parent goes somewhere else to "calm down" before doling out the dreaded punishment. Sorry, this one gives me the willies. To me, this is a method of psychological torture. Imagining a small child, probably a toddler (or an adolescent reduced to a toddler's fears) in this situation tears at my heart. If I were a child, waiting patiently for a spanking, I think I would seriously consider running away. Why stick around for a parent who is going to come back, irrationally calm in the face of my utter terror, and let them hurt me? I do not think this is a good idea, no matter what the circumstance. I would rather see a parent swat a kid on the butt from sheer frustration, as in the situation with a defiant child, than meditate on it a while and then do the deed. I'm sure I have just contradicted parenting advice many of you have heard by experts. These experts do not rate one inch in my life. I cannot imagine a competent child psychologist thinking that this is OK.

I am 100% committed to a no-spanking philosophy. I believe spanking will be outlawed in most countries within a few years. This practice has been a traditional tool of discipline for far too long.

Please, my dearest readers who do not share my opinion, I ask that you consider the alternatives. Many parents spank, simply for lack of a better solution. There are other solutions. It's not always easy, I know. Spanking is probably the easiest method of momentarily whipping a child in line, however, if we are armed with alternate choices that really work, we will be better parents.

Feel free to respond with your opinions on this topic. There is no one judging or applauding your choices here. This newsletter is intended as an avenue to open dialogues on many subjects of parenting and for sharing our views.

There are many no spanking articles online. Here are links to a few, with wonderful resources for all of us. Many alternate forms of discipline are referenced in these pages, also.

Link #1 lists what to do instead of spanking and offers excellent information regarding the ramifications of corporal punishment: 9 Things to Do Instead of Spank

Link # 2 is another excellent article on not spanking, with many links to other no spanking sites: The No Spanking Page

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Rexanne Mancini is the mother of two daughters, Justice and Liberty. She is a novelist, freelance writer and maintains an extensive yet informal parenting and family web site, Rexanne.com – http://www.rexanne.com -Visit her site for good advice, award-winning Internet holiday pages and some humor to help you cope. Subscribe to her free newsletter, Rexanne’s Web Review, for a monthly dose of Rexanne: http://www.rexanne.com/rwr-archives.html

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This article is available for reprint at no charge providing the resource box with the writer's information is included and remains intact.

Have an opinion about this topic or a story to share? Please send it: My Opinion

I fell in love with Nana as soon as I saw her picture. After browsing her site, I loved her more! OMG! Recipes to die for, tips and tricks to pass down through generations and an awesome collection of dessert recipes ... what more could a person forced to cook ask for? ;-)

On Nana's main dish pages, you will find recipes for Hash Brown Pizza, Spaghetti Pie, Pasta and Shrimp Alfredo and many more traditional recipes such as Baked Pork Chops, Stuffed Chicken Breasts and Batter-Dipped Chicken. All Nana's recipes are easy to understand with comprehensive lists of ingredients.

On the dessert pages, there are cake recipes separated into "chocolate and not," some super cookie recipes, pie recipes and a candy page with nary a mention of a candy thermometer. I like that in a candy recipe!

Some of the more challenging recipes have links to Nana's "How To" page that will give you detailed instructions and pictures. Betty Crocker has nothing on Nana!

Chess for Kids is comprehensive online chess instruction, from basic strategies for the beginner to advanced tactics for the more experienced player. Kids can learn the fundamentals of this fascinating board game or hone their skills and strategies by studying the masters, their moves and past games.

There is a super message board on Chess for Kids where children can submit a question and have it answered by chess experts. Also, an invaluable tournament section for our more competitive chess whizzes.

Seems like months ago I wrote about head lice when, in fact, it's only been three weeks! :-) Here are some reader's tips and tricks on battling head lice:

"One preventative method used over here is to put a dose of white vinegar in the last rinse when you shampoo your kid's hair. Take a bucket or pail and fill with warm water, add white vinegar, pour over the kid's hair, taking care not to get it in his or her eyes. When Camille was younger, we did it all year long while she was in school. Even if it doesn't work, it makes hair squeaky clean and shiny!

Lice generally come around at the beginning of the school year over here and there are preventative sprays that you can use as well that are not as harsh as the kill-'em shampoos. One fallacy is that lice love dirty hair: not true at all ... they really prefer clean locks to lay their eggs on.

One thing to remember: if one person in the house gets them, all members of the family have to go through the torture. Also, keep checking the kids' heads once school starts.

One point: the reason lice prefer clean hair is that it's easier for the glue they create to bond to a clean hair shaft. How pleasant ...

"I was mortified when my children came home with lice a couple of weeks ago. My children with lice ... never! Yup, it is upsetting and can be a pest, however, we got rid of ours really easily and have not had a reoccurrence! I don't know what shampoos you have over there for lice. I used one called Quellada and it really did the trick. The MOST important things to do are:

1. Follow the instructions of the various shampoos exactly! With Quellada you shampoo the hair two nights in a row and comb out all the nits (eggs). You MUST get a shampoo that kills the eggs - it is pointless getting a shampoo that only kills the lice!

2. Comb the hair rigorously with a very fine comb - disinfect the combs with the shampoo. I left mine to soak.

4. Hair lice can only survive in hair. They lay the eggs on the hair shaft. They cannot survive in bed linen because the lice need to suck blood (gross!) to survive. So I think boiling linen and getting rid of it is a bit extreme. Yes, change pillow slips every night until the little critters have gone.

5. With boys it is the answer to shave the hair. It gets rid of them at once! With my daughter's hair I cut it short and combed and combed. You will battle with long hair so why not cut it shoulder length at least. It will grow again and will save the reoccurrence and trauma of having lice.

6. Here in South Africa, our schools have lice checks every week or every second week. Children are NOT allowed at school until they have cleared their lice. It is just a vicious circle if some shampoo their hair and others don't.

7. Ten days after I got rid of the lice, I shampooed their hair again, just to make sure I did not have to live with these horrid things again!

8. Educate your children not to use anyone else's hair brush, towels, etc., especially little girls!

Once your children have had lice, your realize that it is a very common thing and nothing to be mortified about at all."

These are great tips, Mandy. Thank you so much for sharing them. A most important one is educating your kids not to share combs, hats, etc., with other kids. Good point!

"I am a parent who despises head lice. I am also a hairstylist. It is rumored that Peppermint shampoo from Nexxus is a good deterrent. It will not get rid of lice but it should keep the subject from getting them. If your daughter brings it home, buy a bottle of this shampoo for the rest of the family, immediately! Or, just start using it when school starts. It smells great and makes the head feel fresh. No, I do not work for Nexxus but I do use this on my school-aged daughter! I have had good results."

Any other parents who have tips for reducing the trauma of head lice, please send them!

Got a tip or trick your fellow readers would enjoy or could use? Please send it here for possible publication in one of the next issues: Tips

This week's freebie is an awesome resource for our more advanced academic students.

SparkNotes.com offers invaluable information on every school subject, from economics to psychology. These notes are not written by professors, teachers or taken from text books. All the information provided at SparkNotes.com is written by students, for students.

There is an amazing amount of information on this site. Take advantage of the generous spirit of SparkNotes.com and definitely send this link to your college kids. They'll thank you profusely!

Weekly Time Waster: Virtual Dog
(Because life is supposed to be fun!)

I am now the proud owner of a feisty Jack Russell terrier named CrazyDog ... in a virtual way. It's the best of both worlds. My cats won't lose a minute of nap time over this new addition to our family and I don't have to really walk it!

Virtual Dog works like this: Pick your pooch, meet up with poochie in your virtual house, learn the layout of this house, find the leash and take Fido outside for a walk. Watch out, though ... I was fined big time by a virtual cop for leaving dog poop on the street! LOL! Gee ... I tried to pick it up! I suppose I needed to figure out where the pooper scooper was before I wandered outdoors with CrazyDog, huh? ;-)

This site will keep your score so you can see how good a pet owner you are or become. Mostly, it's just lots of fun getting to know and love your virtual dog.

This page, by Ziplo, gave me a jolt of inspiration. Many of you will remember the song, by Roger Cook and Sam Hogin. It sure brought me back a few years! ;-) Ziplo has created a page urging us to believe in ourselves, with a moving poem and the song I Believe in You.

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